


Today's special is fish

by Mizzy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack, Fish, Fishing, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Short One Shot, angler fish are gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizzy/pseuds/Mizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So like, Angler fish. Terrifying, right?" The current student delivering his presentation on fish clicks up a picture of an angler fish, the massive teeth, the ominously hanging lamp over its head. "You don't know the <i>half</i> of it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Today's special is fish

Chowder likes presentation days.

He likes giving them because he feels he's fairly confident and an interesting speaker. He likes hearing them because he can learn about new things. And it's always better than one of Professor Bettman's three hour lectures.

"So like, Angler fish. Terrifying, right?" The current student delivering his presentation on fish clicks up a picture of an angler fish, the massive teeth, the ominously hanging lamp over its head. "You don't know the _half_ of it."

Then the guy starts talking about how angler fish mate and Chowder squints.

"The males are tiny, and they chew a hole into the female's soft underside," the student says, "and then they attach there permanently and bits dissolve off the male and are absorbed by the female, until he's like just a sperm bag parasite worm attached to the female _forever_."

Chowder tilts his head and blanches at the diagrams.

It's not until they're coming out of the lecture that he realizes Bitty isn't paying any attention.  Okay, so Chowder only notices because Bitty walks into a wall and Chowder has to guide him in the direction of the nearest door.

He eyes Bitty warily. Normally Bitty's the one having to look after him. This is kind of disconcerting the other way around.

Bitty looks at Chowder with a hollow-eyed, wan expression. "No pie can help me," he whispers. " _No pie can help me unhear that._ "

#

Chowder steers Bitty back to the Haus and sits him on the couch and that's how Chowder knows they're in serious trouble because Bitty never voluntarily sits on the couch if he can help it. He grimaces and yells for help.

"Bitty?" Lardo leans in and snaps her fingers in Bitty's face. It's blanker than Tango's face was when he saw his first actual kegster. "Dude. Wake up."

Bitty blinks a few times in a row, but doesn't respond.

"Has he ever done this before?" Chowder whispers.

"Not without checking being involved," Ransom says. "Or a pie-related atrocity, maybe. What happened?"

Chowder starts to give a brief run through of the angler fish presentation, but Bitty starts to make a sound behind his teeth, a high-pitched whistling sound, and he falters.

"I guess Bitty is a coral reef too," Holster whispers, looking between Ransom and Bitty.

Bitty's whining noise gets louder.

"Maybe don't mention anything marine-related for a while," Ransom suggests.

#

Bitty recovers eventually, trotting into the kitchen to bake a pie like nothing's amiss, and Chowder feels like he can breathe again. He was worried Bitty was going to be stuck like that. He's been keeping an eye on Bitty warily, but there's been no repeat, and the boys are careful to bring Bitty a meal back to the Haus on the days the serving guys make like the Islanders and serve fish sticks.

It's almost cleanly gone out of Chowder's mind, which is probably good, because their roadie is against the University of New Hampshire, and their goalie has a save percentage point zero zero two higher than Chowder's, and Chowder really wants to kill that statistic as soon as possible.

The game goes fine, until halfway through the second period, and there are just too many bodies in the scoring lane. Chowder can almost feel the heat of the lamp before he realizes what's happened, and his heart sinks into his skating blades, because a goal, he's let a puck in, oh no.

Of course, that's when he remembers: UNH have a tradition.

Namely, throwing a fish on the ice after their first goal.

#

The boys crowd around Bitty, propped up against the bench, wide-eyed and frozen.

"I'm thinking we can make a play outta this," Holster offers.

**Author's Note:**

> [don't watch this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lsmxs0uDXMo)


End file.
